Recently, while working away on a project, I discovered that the only way to actually grow followers on Instagram in any sort of meaningful scale above 300 or so is to either buy these followers from China or Russia, or to enlist the help of an infamous Instagram Bot. These are regularly banned from Instagram for their shady activities and I was just about to find out why.
Given adequate permission from you…stupid human…the bot is then given the ultimate power. That means it can like and follow whatever and whoever the fuck it wants and you and your silly human keyboard can’t do anything about it.
After it swung into full gear, I actually deleted the Bot from instagram, cancelled my account completely with the Instagram Bot and denied all permissions for apps on the Instagram side, but the bot continued to like a whole range of fake accounts of women in the Phillippines with rotund derriers and too much make-up.
My clever and highly literary spouse who happens to have English as a second language has tried to describe this phenomena for what it really is. Because he is deft in both languages he comes up with complete whoppers of new words that actually aren’t yet in the English dictionary or even the urban dictionary.
Shit-ring: definition
A shit ring is a swarm of bots (automated pieces of javascript) that execute on specific tasks on Instagram and Twitter to try and drive up artificial likes, comments and follows from other ”real” people. Although…the usage of bots on Instagram is now so prevalent that absolutely nobody (who is pushing a brand that is), actually manually likes and comments on other brands’ instagram feed. To do so would take far too long. And so Instagram is thriving and selling ads based on completely arbitrary and spammy likes and comments from fake accounts. These accounts then interact and communicate with each other and with legitimate brands in an extremely shallow and fake way. It is completely non-monitored and nobody really knows how many real followers they actually have.
Bubble-Butt Bot-Net: Definition
A Bubble-Butt Bot-Net is a shitring of fake bot accounts that all have pictures of women with massive asses on them and very little substance otherwise. These are not real accounts and are actually a part of a pretty unsophisticated botnet, designed as click-bait to get people to follow.
Shit-ring peddler
Hand over heart…I’m a real boy, not a bot, I won’t hurt you.
A shit-ring peddler is a person who mongers, promotes or otherwise interacts with brands and their bots on Instagram or Twitter, in other words a social media manager.
Szambo Water World
A Szambo (pronounced Sham-bo, in Polish) is a septic tank that houses sewerage. And so a Szambo Water World is a fun park where lots of useless shit is talked about and mulled over. It’s a place where shit-rings and bubble-butt bot-nets can thrive and reproduce endlessly. A great example of this is Instagram, Twitter and any other social media platform where fake accounts congregate.
In case you were wondering, the bot’s name is Instavast. If you value your dignity, time and sanity then stay away.
Facebook owns Instagram and What’s App, and they have around 5 billion users across the three platforms. However their share price has almost halved over the past year. Here’s to hoping that it actually dies. Here’s some words from Mark Zuckerberg himself in 2010
I have over 4,000 emails, pictures, addresses of people. People just submitted it. I don’t know why. They “trust me”….Dumb fucks.” – Mark Zuckerberg.
Content Catnip 
Never downloaded instagram so have been blissfully unaware of all the shit rings there. Ps Zuckerberg is creepy
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Yes good on you! I would never venture into that territory either unless I was actually doing it for a job. Yeah I agree, Zuckerberg has weird eyes…they are dead and have an inhuman or alien quality to them.
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He reminds me of that android from the new star trek… Forget the name, but yeah it’s nice to see the shares for Facebook slide
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Well I was having a good chortle. And then I thought the trouble is the shit ring is being fully exploited by a cesspit full of shady neo-con politicians of the ‘duck and cover’ variety who wish to return us to the Cold War for their own greedy ends. Hmph.
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ahhhhh neo-con types with bad toupes and terracotta tans and dumpy arses probably would be too dazzled by all the bubble butts on Instagram to fully realise their evil plans. At least if they join the botnet well it’s simply more shallow stuff, no real conversation can be had there…until the bots start being able to speak intelligently with us, then that will be more worrying! 🙂
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Heavens – that’s a grim prospect – conversational bots. On the other hand we might get some common sense out of them…
PS Watched ‘Radio On 1979’ the other evening. Absolutely arresting. I feel as if the movie left an imprint in my brain. Of course I was living through those times – university days and just after. It was all very depressed and depressing. Few jobs for graduates and lots of job creation projects at £25 a week which is how I ended up working in museums. And then wretched Margaret Thatcher reared up like Medusa – her policies still running rampant through the land.
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So glad you found it arresting Tish, yes it must have brought up some memories, by the sounds of it the movie accurately reflected a tumultuous time in Britain. Margaret Thatcher was a real cow with her policies too…many people hated her but forgive my ignorance, what policies were harsh? I need to read up more on that.
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Just a quick response as I’m cooking fish. She and Reagan deregulated the banking system for one thing – that paved the way for 2008. She crushed the trades unions, and started the dismantling of the welfare state, and the role of local authorities. It was all about privatisation, and ‘no such thing as society’.
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Thanks Tish it sounds like she made Britain a harder place for many people. Hope you enjoy cooking fish for dinner sounds yum. I’ve just made mexican quesadillas for breakfast here in NZ…yay for yummy food
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Quesadillas do indeed sound yummy, and set up a yearning. Last eaten in Salem, Maine a while ago.
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Hehe wish I could send some to you in the post we gobbled them up they were really good. How was the fish? Bon appetite 😊
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I’ve just ‘liked’ this post, but now I’m not sure if I should have. Have I just admitted to being a bot?
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Hahaha yes welcome to the dark side it’s cosy here 😉
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