I’m sure you’re familiar with the trend of indecipherable menu items that’s sprung up all over the world recently, right? it’s also known as hipsterising a menu. Suddenly there’s a whole new world of pretentious sounding menu items that you’ve never seen in all of your years prior, living on our planet. Who knew that a charcoal foam, basil jelly and lavender dust is something that you must have with your Sunday eggs and bacon breakfast.
The algorithm: the more obscure sounding the food – the more inherently impressive it is.
I find this glut of ridiculous sounding food names really irritating. And the often times indecipherable menus rendered in their cursive text on blackboards infuriate me, in a subtle ‘first world problem’ kind of way.
Want to know the history of the eggplant on your plate, then ask the luxuriantly bearded waiter – or sorry -barista! my bad, to recount the history of the individual eggplant from seed to field to plate.
The whole OTT spectacle of it makes me want to puke into my mouth a little bit. I suppose it’s a great thing that people care a lot about food and where it comes from. I just find it all a little bit…wanky to be honest.
The Brooklyn Menu Generator
Enter the Brooklyn Menu Generator which contains culinary darts of displeasure such as:
FINGERLING BISON SPREAD WITH FARM-TO-TABLE EGGPLANT
MINIATURE WATERMELON PANINI WITH FRIGHTENED SEAWEED DISCS
ARTISANAL PEACH & PRESSED SEAWEED
SUNFLOWER & BLISTERED BISON
If you squint hard enough then you should be able to understand the obscure wording. If not when you ask the barista about it, you will get a look of subtle disdain along with the explanation.
Beware of massaged, smashed and distressed things on the menu….I’m sorry. Just. Fuck. Right. Off.
The Life of a Chicken named Colin
Hot tip: If you don’t mind caps-lock swearing combined with funny hipster culture memes on Twitter then @getinthesea is for you.
4 thoughts on “Hipster menu generator: get ready for culinary darts of displeasure”
Hi there sweetie, no Im still there but I very rarely post anything anymore. How are you lovely lady? hugs and hope you have a nice Easter
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awh, that i see, i thought it might be a good way to stay in touch with you,
i think there was a post that i wanted to send to you, please can you remind me of your full name… just in case.
Easter and me 🙂 gonna be busy, it’s gonna be afternoon tea crazy at work 😉
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ah yes 🙂 thank you, awh, that sounds lovely, eggs & bunnies & Ishtar Nx