Hipster menu generator: get ready for culinary darts of displeasure

I’m sure you’re familiar with the trend of indecipherable menu items that’s sprung up all over the world recently, right? it’s also known as hipsterising a menu. Suddenly there’s a whole new world of pretentious sounding menu items that you’ve never seen in all of your years prior, living on our planet. Who knew that a charcoal foam, basil jelly and lavender dust is something that you must have with your Sunday eggs and bacon breakfast.

The algorithm: the more obscure sounding the food – the more inherently impressive it is.  

I find this glut of ridiculous sounding food names really irritating. And the often times indecipherable menus rendered in their cursive text on blackboards infuriate me, in a subtle ‘first world problem’ kind of way.

Want to know the history of the eggplant on your plate, then ask the luxuriantly bearded waiter – or sorry -barista! my bad, to recount the history of the individual eggplant from seed to field to plate.

The whole OTT spectacle of it makes me want to puke into my mouth a little bit. I suppose it’s a great thing that people care a lot about food and where it comes from. I just find it all a little bit…wanky to be honest.

The Brooklyn Menu Generator

Enter the Brooklyn Menu Generator which contains culinary darts of displeasure such as:

FINGERLING BISON SPREAD WITH FARM-TO-TABLE EGGPLANT

MINIATURE WATERMELON PANINI WITH FRIGHTENED SEAWEED DISCS

ARTISANAL PEACH & PRESSED SEAWEED

SUNFLOWER & BLISTERED BISON

If you squint hard enough then you should be able to understand the obscure wording. If not when you ask the barista about it, you will get a look of subtle disdain along with the explanation.

Beware of massaged, smashed and distressed things on the menu….I’m sorry. Just. Fuck. Right. Off.

The Life of a Chicken named Colin

Hot tip: If you don’t mind caps-lock swearing combined with funny hipster culture memes on Twitter then @getinthesea is for you.