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Rant: Looking for a place to rent is a little like selling your soul

You know how when you go for a job interview, you need to dress yourself up like a trussed up overpowering pineapple. An exaggeratedly normal version of yourself. The power self you wish you were, but deep down you simply love to wear track suit pants if at all possible?

Well, when presenting yourself to a real estate agent in order to rent a flat you also must present this scrubbed, clinically precise and corporate version of yourself a well. The fakeness of the whole interaction is astonishing and no less cringey when you look back on it with hindsight.

The real estate agent often will examine you, as though examining a parisite on the ass of a horse. It’s through this lens that he or she will make their final act and judgement, a veritable Thors hammer of judgement with all of its associated life altering implications. He or she can declare you and your partner worthy of actually renting a property over another eager couple, or family. Of course – income matters. And obviously how you look matters as well. Nobody with meth teeth will get a modern townhouse in the city centre. Nobody wearing dirty thongs or old trainers either. Nobody with a combined income under 100K will get the townhouse. So get busy and give away you data about your income, your employer, and wring every last drop of your own authenticity to get that place. Give all of this over to these people, who don’t actually give a shit about who you are – you cease to be a human in their eyes and are instead a walking piggy bank to them and that is all.

After all, you need to suddenly prove yourself to a good, respectful and kind human being to some shallow person in ten inch heels or a cheap suit from Roger David who treats you like a sub-human cretin. The power is fleeting and elusory, but you better believe they enjoy it.

Then after seeing the property, you need to offload all of your personal data to this person, including your date of birth, passport information, income, personal interests. I guess adding information about my sexual history may help with my rental application as well, mightn’t it?

Apologies for the rambling, shitty grammar here I have been doing work all day and very tired. Dealing with people in real estate is really incredibly draining and fucked up day. Have you had to deal with real estate agents? Have you had any positive or negative experiences?

One thought on “Rant: Looking for a place to rent is a little like selling your soul

  1. Real estate attracts some shoddy people. Most of them just want to swindle a few bucks but don’t have the smarts to do something entrepreneurial or the balls to go into the crime. Always amazes me how they get a cut for doing absolutely nothing.

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